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What is asexuality?

When I run training workshops and I talk about sex and sexuality, I'm often shocked by how many counsellors have either not heard of asexuality or have swallowed negative and harmful myths about asexuality.

In my experience as a counsellor, talking about sex and sexuality is something in my experience I find a lot of clients want to talk about. So it feels very important that I'm clued up on asexuality.

I know how many clients have had difficult experiences in trying to explore their asexuality, to understand it and think about coming out as asexual.

Talking about asexuality and can be challenging for many people, due to the hyper-sexualised society we live in. I want this to change. I want clients to feel safe to talk, and counsellors to feel clued up.

I have also met many counsellors who find it difficult to talk about sex which can in turn make it even more difficult for clients to open up.

  • Are you a counsellor who finds it difficult to talk about sex in the counselling room?

  • Scared you will get embarrassed talking about sex?

  • Worried you will make your clients feel awkward?

Let me help you :)

Our guest speaker Lori Beth Bisbey talks in more detail about how to talk about sex and sexuality in the counselling room in our CPD video available here.

This CPD video is available instantly and you will have lifetime access.

So, what is Ace week?

Ace week takes place annually in the last full week of October.

Asexuals often use the shorthand “Ace” to describe their sexual orientation. Ace is regarded as an umbrella term to encompass many other identities including asexual, demisexual and greysexual.

Asexuality is often defined as a lack of sexual attraction to others, or low or absent interest in or desire for sexual activity.

An asexual person can be straight, gay, bi and/or queer because sexual attraction is only one kind of attraction.

In this blog I've put together some great resources to help more counsellors and the wider public learn about asexuality.

Please help spread awareness about this sadly very often misunderstood orientation by sharing this blog about asexuality.


The Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN)

Lists asexual key words and definitions such as:

  • Demisexual

  • Gray-Asexual

  • Ace

More info: here

Common questions people may ask themselves such as:

  • Am I asexual?

  • I don't find anyone sexually attractive. Does that mean I'm asexual?

  • I masturbate/have sexual fantasies. Where does that fit in with my sexual orientation?

More info on the AVEN website: here


The Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN)

AVEN also have an online forum for asexual people to meet, ask questions & connect.

Join the conversation here


Sex educator Hannah Witton interviewed Yasmin Benoit (model and asexual activist) on her podcast Doing It!

In this podcast episode:

Yasmin discusses asexuality, aromanticism, and their meanings and misconceptions.

She and Hannah talk about the difference between attraction, arousal, desire, and the sex drive, as well as asexual and aromantic representation in the media.

Finally, Hannah and Yasmin discuss ace and aro inclusion in the LGBTQ+ community, and answer some listeners' questions.

Listen free here


Lastly, I hope that having read this you want to be a better ally for asexual people.

Stonewall have some tips on how to be an asexual ally here...

  • If someone comes out to you as ace, believe them

  • Read up on ace identities – you’re already on this blog, so that’s a great start! AVEN is another great online resource

  • Don’t assume everyone needs sex or romance to be happy – let them choose their own path. Accept their relationship choices and support them as you would anyone else

  • Remember that ace people may have an additional identity. An asexual person who is romantically attracted to people of the same gender may refer to themselves as gay. An aromantic person who is sexually attracted to all genders may identify as pan

  • Don’t ask intrusive questions about someone’s sex life. It’s not OK to do this to anyone, ace people included

  • Call out ace-erasure and acephobia where you see it and educate others along the way

Find out more info on how to support ace people and 6 ways to be an ally to asexual people on Stonewall website here

Please help spread awareness about this sadly very often misunderstood orientation by sharing this blog about asexuality on your social media.

Want to learn more?

Check out our easy to access, affordable Video CPD on Talking about Sex in the Counselling Room on sale now.

This video features counsellor Lori Beth Bisbey who shares with us how to talk about sex in the counselling room. Her talk explores her own experiences of erotic transference and clinical supervision and how she asks her clients about sex. The video is very ace inclusive.


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