9 Red Flags to Look For When Choosing an Email Counsellor

Are you looking for an email counsellor? Find out what to look for when choosing an email therapist, including important questions to ask about training, confidentiality, boundaries and how the service works.

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Imagine you're looking for a counsellor and you decide that email counselling sounds like it could work well for you.

You find someone who looks great. They're a qualified counsellor, they have years of experience and they offer email counselling. So far, so good.

But there's one question you might not think to ask: what training have they had specifically in email counselling?

Email counselling isn't just talking therapy written down instead it is a specialist skill that professional counselling registration bodies recognise the need for additional training in.

With more counsellors popping up offering email counselling how do you know who is legit and who to trust? I’m here to share 9 red flags to look out for when choosing an email counsellor.

Red flag 1: They don't have specific training in email counselling

This is probably the biggest red flag! Being qualified as a counsellor doesn't automatically provide the skills needed for asynchronous written therapy.

Specialist additional training focuses on practitioners learning the particular differences between spoken and written therapeutic communication. An email counsellor must have knowledge and experience in therapeutic writing, pacing, boundaries, risk, contracting, as well as managing working without voice and body language and the time delay in communicating.

A counsellor’s email counselling training should be clear in their advertising but if it’s not don’t be afraid to ask: "What specific training have you undertaken in email counselling?”

Red flag 2: There’s no clear explanation of how email counselling works

Because email counselling is not the traditional way of working, many people don’t know exactly what to expect and how it works. It is therefore really important that counsellors offering email counselling have a clear explanation of how their email counselling service works so you know what to expect in terms of how often emails are exchanged, when they will reply, how long are emails, how much does the service cost and what happens if you need more support.

A clear explanation on their advertising and in their counselling contract will help you spot the difference between a trained/experienced email counsellor and someone who offers a vague promise of "email me whenever you need to", which could blur boundaries and create unrealistic expectations including a risk your words might not be secure.

Trained and experienced email counsellors will agree a day/time when to send your email and when they’ll reply, as well as setting up a secure email system for you to both use.

Red flag 3: They encourage emails between sessions

Flying off random emails between traditional talking therapy sessions is not email counselling.

When you set up email counselling, the weekly email exchange IS the counselling session. If your therapist encourages you to email between sessions be very careful as this is usually discouraged by professional bodies for many reasons including risk of boundaries being crossed and your words not being secure.

If emailing between sessions is offered to you, be careful and remember both you and your therapist must using a secure email system. It is essential your counselling contract - which your therapist will ask you to sign - details how often you can email, how much can you write, when to expect a reply, how your emails are stored and how long for, who can access your emails and what happens in a crisis. If in doubt it’s ok to ask their professional body for advice and to check over the contract they sent you.

Red flag 4: They use free accounts like hotmail/gmail

If a counsellor is offering you email counselling sessions or encouraging you to email between sessions and they don’t insist on you both using a secure email system then your words will not be safe, instead they will likely be scanned by AI bots and advertisers! This practice can be likened to meeting your counsellor in a cafe, other people might not be listening but they could which is why in person therapy will always be in a confidential private therapy room. Email Counselling is no different and your intimate details deserve to stay confidential.

It’s therefore important to check a counsellor is taking professional steps to keep your private information safe, secure and confidential.

Red flag 5: They don’t have insurance to offer email counselling

All Email Counsellors must have insurance cover for their email counselling services. This is usually added onto their insurance once they have completed and evidenced additional professional training which has been gained after qualifying as a counsellor.

You’ll normally be able to find this detailed on their counselling contract which you’ll be asked to sign when setting up sessions, but if it’s not I encourage you to ask them to clarify.

Red flag 6: They don’t have supervision to offer email counselling

To practice safely and offer a skilled and ethical service, professional counselling bodies require all qualified counsellors at every stage in their career to engage in regular clinical supervision with an experienced qualified supervisor. To practice a specialist way of working for example working with couples, art therapy or email counselling, the counsellor's supervisor must also be trained and experienced in working in this way. Again, this information is usually on their counselling contract, but if it’s not it’s ok to ask.

This is very important so they have the sufficient guidance and protocols in place to help protect you as a client.

Red flag 7: They promise to reply immediately

If you ask AI something, the robot will respond immediately. Some people have become accustomed to this expectation to have a very quick if not immediate reply. Read more about why email counselling differs to AI in my blog HERE.

A promise of an immediate reply might sound reassuring but it can actually create problematic expectations. Email counselling usually relies on a particular therapeutic pace. Clients need to know when they can expect a response. "I'm always available by email" is very different from a clearly contracted therapeutic exchange. The time delay (often agreed as 2 working days) from when you send your therapy email to when your email counsellor responds is very important therapeutically as it allows you time and space to carefully think through what you want to share and and how you want to express this without the worry of your counsellor staring at you waiting for you to answer their question as the time ticks by. In email counselling you receive a carefully crafted response at the agreed day/time which you can choose to open when you’re in the headspace to read and then return to it as many times as you need. Working asynchronously by having this time delay is a big part of the deep power of this way of meeting your counsellor by email.

Red flag 8: Email Counselling is offered as a plan B

I see this a lot particularly with people with no training in email counselling. They simply say something along the lines of, if you’re not available for your usual session you can email me instead. Or they might say they offer email counselling occasionally if you find it hard to say things out loud.

This unfortunately gives the impression that it’s not effective and only used as a back up. Sadly this stigma used to apply to online video vs in person sessions pre-pandemic, where many counsellors offered video sessions as a back if you were out of town or it was snow day meaning you couldn’t travel to the their therapy office. Times have thankfully changed and this stigma has lifted, however sadly some people in the counselling profession who’ve not done training in email counselling still think of it as a plan B.

I personally would not want to engage in a service that was seen as a plan B and would rather see a therapist who is passionate about email counselling and regularly offers it to their clients.

Red flag 9: They list the disadvantages of Email Counselling or a pros/cons list

This screams out that the counsellor is not really convinced email counselling works that well, it’s maybe not their preferred way of working with clients so they try and put you off before you even get in touch.

Interestingly there are also many disadvantages to traditional in person counselling too, but these don’t tend to get listed on counselling websites. For example with traditional counselling you have to travel, agree to a set session time, say awkward things out loud, not know what to say in the moment and maybe even worry you might cry. If you see pros and cons of email counselling listed check if the counsellor is also listing pros and cons for their other counselling services. If they’re not, consider the message they’re giving off about email counselling as you read their website. Are they really passionate about written therapy or are they just ticking an accessibility box?

What should you look for instead?

• A professional email counsellor should be able to demonstrate:

• Specific training in email counselling

• Confidence and experience with therapeutic writing

• Clear contracting with boundaries and expectations

• A secure email system to keep your words safe

• Professionally set up with insurance and supervision to offer email counselling

Questions you can ask an a counsellor advertising email counselling before starting

1. What specific training have you completed in email counselling?

2. How does your email counselling service work?

3. How frequently will we exchange emails?

4. When will you read and respond to my emails?

5. How do you manage confidentiality and security?

6. What happens if I become distressed between exchanges?

7. What happens if I need urgent support?

8. How do you decide whether email counselling is appropriate for me?

Remember you deserve to know that your counsellor is professionally set up to offer email counselling. Specialist training is one important indicator of that. Use these red flags to help you choose carefully when seeking out email counselling.

Are you thinking of trying email counselling?

As a counsellor myself I offer email counselling to clients and also teach professional specialist courses for qualified counsellors at Email Counselling Academy.

I work with adults in the UK. To set up your first session check out my contact page HERE.

There is often a waiting list, but if you add your name, I will contact you when a space becomes available.